I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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