i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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