Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
