I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
