you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
