this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
