i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
