I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
