White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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