my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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