FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
