she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
