i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
