I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
