I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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