That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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