WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
