I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love