dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.