Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time