operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub