So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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