The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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