I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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