2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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