Is it because I queefed?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
