we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
