i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
