My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
