Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
