If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wear drunk well.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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