I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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