Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
