if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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