The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
