did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
