When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
