C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
