who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
