He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
