Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
