I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
