He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
