So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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