Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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