What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I use my feet as sexual weapons
false alarm, still single
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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