I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
