I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
