in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
