i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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