There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
