i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
