I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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