His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
