It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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