How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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