You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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