K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't notice because vodka
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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