Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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