So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
