After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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