Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
