You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
