I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
